27th ocotber 2006

*purr* good morning. did i mention MinCat might be getting a cat? wheeee. Herself called in te middlfe that train of thoguht so we have run out of anythign mor to say here at chez MinCat. sorry. till later!

23rd oct

another monday evening rolls around and as ever supposed to be working and spend all my time whinging about it. today is particularly bad though. mindfucked by weekend. totally. spent all day in lib, shivering cos underestimated weather, trying to decode habermas and intellectuals wirting about him while trying to keep head away from bad thoughts. and sex. apparently all that is available to me now. sleep. toss and turn and have bizarre dreams involving people and situations hats are frankly scary. alternate with wet dreams. wake up horny and freaked out. dont rem the last night i slept through, even those marinated in large quantities of varieties of alcohol. wake up with knots. somtimes i cnt lift my arms cos the shoulders ache so. arthritic hag speaking. while wrestling with one of those sentences dearly beloved to all intellectuls, that begins on page 212 and ends on page 345 its very hard to not stray from the articulation of the public sphere and wonder why the braincell is so traumatised. caught self with tears in eyes almost all through class. while laughing at jokes and adorable prof hidalgo. the shcism is what scares me right now. its like living two distinct and parallel lives, with fulfillment in one and so much uncertainty in the other that i cant handle it. on the one hand gladly sociable. on the other truly crablike behaviour, this need to dive into my hole and pull it shut after me. strange feeling od regression to pr therapy days. scary. no Herself here to cling to either. funnily i dont have time for this. i dont have time to drown in the feelings to acknowledge them and let them take over so tht i can wash up safe. the time to say yeah ok i tried. again. it didnt work. again. it mightnt work. again. but ill try. again. ive lost the courage again, the courage to accept all the bogeymen and things that go bump in the night. and we all know thats the only way you can fall back to sleep by saying yeah ok theres a monster under the bed, it will omce out and eat me if it wants i cant stop it, and only then can you let go of the fear and fall aleep and wake up in daylight and family. why is it impossible to let an event be an event in its isolation and experience it as such? patterns dont exist, right? just cos things happen again and again doesnt mean they will keep doing so right? on the other hand a pattern is familiar, there is no unheimlich to deal with. there is the eternal security of knowing exactly how this will play out. and the freedom of knowing that the pattern will assert itself and so i can act on impulse and completely at random. i can do the things that being me dictates, i can say let me know if you need nything in the complete cocoon of safety of knowing that it will till turn out that way. right? the balance, the fine balance i teeter on. and the more baggage i pick up the les si need to tip me over. ah cliches. gotta love em. right off i go to the joyous world of sexual emotional psychical and physical stress - dreamland

18th october 2006

sigh
my paucnh hangs over my pants in a most depressing manner.

lately everytime i open this window i somply havent a thing to say. here is randomness

its wednesday, i actually ate breakfast out and everything else at home. magic instant chinizfud. computer being fucking pain the arse. it:
1. just stops running. like that. no messags no warning no hanging. one minute screen next minute blank.
2. has insert on almost all the time
3. the top keys not working are getting worse an stickier and persnicketyer
4. random hanging

mad crazy giagantic dinner party on friday. ia m cooking for TWENTY people!! will probably make too muhc food. sigh.

work work work. abstract submission. preentations. reading responses. hahahahaha.

i like cooking. i ove having my own place :)

HPP [hot portuguese prof lol] depressingly said: youre what? 21? 18? on our walk to subway today. and also pointed out that i hadnt noticed my stop. which meant hedidtn actively want me to linger. sigh. lol. did i mention he's 39? i was in shocl for three days. however, he is coming to the dinner.

friend and her mum wer here last weekend. along wiht flatmate H [FH]'s friends Golden God and China Doll. lol. thelatter in a most positive way. such beauty. i wa sonly expecting her so when i woke up in the morning to the exquisite sight of the GG i was left gasping in my sleep thinking ooooooooo i want to touch. have been invited to DC to han gout wiht them in nov. can i stand the pain???? SIGH

was cooked for and taken on a helicopter ride. i ahve fotos of it. shall post em when i get em.

Boy i Slept With [BSW] has been most strnge and standoffish. no love or anything, but thought we were going to be good friends. spent like 4 hours talking. but when he asked me to go see brad mehldau at the villagu vanguard [namedrop alert hehehe] i was not expecting SUCH vagueness. also PMS didnt hep. and then ran into him in lib today, no mean feat in itelf, since its impos to meet nyone without prior appointment in NYU, and he was even tranger. ws crushed at thought that things with someone i really wanted to be friends with were going down toilet over gratuituous and not really wanted sex. but then i was texted: lunch tomorrow? perhaps this i the normal BSW and since the making friends properly bit hasnt hppened yet i dont know!

am considering presenting a paper at berkeley [namedrop alert!] only i can figure out what one! unfortunately, wiritng a ocnference paper is part of the course, its the final test so to speak, for one course, and so im crewed. abstrct due 31st. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

its so hard to hang out wiht people, not just cos i dont live on campus. it really involves making the effot to take time out and set it up.

weather annoyingly warming up. grrrrrrrrrr. however need winter coat. hmmmmm. also need quilty thing. am planning on stealing form uncle's vst mnsion wiht 8 bedrooms and one inhabitant.

certain someone promised to come visit and shld know better than to promise till she's SURE. HMPH.

need backrub. groceries and 9 bound library boks. 1 hour walk with julius. who was most badly behaved. id larger he might even havebeen a beastie. which is te new name for the PooPoos. cow they aint Poo anymore. lol.

tango goes well. need to buy dance shoes. sigh. dreamy. swing was also GREAT fun going to swing dance thing tomorrow. aaaaaaaa my feets!!! also need to practice salsa and rumba before next friday
and start going dancing!!!
gah
only 2 sundays left of tango at the pier. shall got his weekend. by myself. and as someone to dance. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. right. and george bush will marry saddam hussein.

right
time to be prodcutive.

ps among other things the reaosn my text sint coloured anymore is that the comp wont let me,. tje minute i select ext and try and click on the button it cuts the text out. gotta love handmedowns. im not complaining! really!

9th october 2006

drinks: um....2.

Cigs: 0

Binges: shhhhhhhh

sitting here in shock, tuesday's work done on monday!!!!!!!! spent time chilling all day. did three loads of laundry. made lunch and now dinner. awaitng flatmate-return to devour said dinner. it looks gross, but tastes yum. overall swing in good direction, no? what ARE they doing in the gym at 915pm?????

weekend fab again, drove up to ithaca to see fal colours and stay wiht parents of friend of friend lovely time, nice fotos, post will follow. of fotos i mean so dont getcher hopes up.

paunch displaying alarming tendency to stick out. sigh, no more junkfood. EXERCISE every day. well we'll see how tomorrow goes, tis the hardest one inolving wakng up at 7am. gah.

guess who called to made a dancing date? *grin* no no hold yer hosses, its a dancing date. shush misha. no really. SHUSH

ok off to do some desultory something. see this is why i dont post anymore :)

5th october 2006

sitting here eating sambar saadham and chips, its like being home, only at home the differences wld be
1. wldnt be eating massproduced packaged chips [tho there arent bad considering that shite they usually have]
2. wldnt be drinking rose
3. the sambar and the beans wld be WAY better
4. wdnt have the kick of knowing i made it
5. wldnt be blogging id be talking to family

well, been here over a month now, and think can safely say am making some friends. life has been getting more city like, been out sunday, tuesday and wednesday. slepeing before 2am is strange now. saturday stayed in, *snigger* and had more fun that cld have out. i quote: dancing, great sex, good food, great wine and fun comapny, who coudl ask for anything more.
hehehehe

cooking seems to be happening now, whenever plan to cook something discover all things dont have hehehe

discovered bath and body works gardenia line. oh my GOD. i smell SO GOOD. hehehehe. now if only it cld be saturday nigh again...

tomorrow up to ithaca, where the leaves are tunring! yay!

have acquired second hand futon and adopted vacuum cleaner from curb at 2am, after testing it in a fast food palce that was open so that wlnd have lugged it all the way uptown for nothing,

tango rocks

and now i go to see bluffmaster
muhuhuhahahahahahaha

5th october 2006, very early in the morning

wow
now i have all this stuff to post about, and i never do.
i thought i might manage to do so by the time my microwave junkfood was ready but alas noso bye :D
hee
yes i am drunk

17th september 2006

ooer
its someone's birthday

missd breffus today, or rather ate rest of first loaf of vile mutligrain [nopte to self, NO MULTIGRAIN] bread as french toast at noon. and then starved quietly all day. as i drink my wine let me warn you to expect tipsiness. second class on venezuela was also fabulous! prof too adorable for expression, being spanish and hugely so makes me go warm and fuzzy. umreeki accent doing well, everyone understands at first shot now.

went to trader joesssssss :D line was long but only took about 10 min, got all nice foodies yumyum that had to lug back home on subway, which means endless stairs. and let us not forget the joys of a 3rd [4th US american] floor walkup.

no stools yet gnaaaaarh. feets hurt. cant go sit on couch because am making pasta and must be near it while it boils so as to notice the state of cookedness. also for instance, pot overflowed on covering. annnd just did so again.

insane amount of work only partly done. will have to stay up all night only ustleave house before 8 tom to get to danceworks class all the way downtown at univ. am going to get use out of unlimited metrocard!

paul simon planned for oct, clapton for soon, must go and try for tickets. venezuelan film festival next weekend...aaaaaaaaaa.

and lets not forget senor mencia :) if i can get tickets. ill go alone i swear. arighty. work beckons. gnight me loveys