Shantata Court Chalu Aahe

i seem unable to write. every day i read and the more i read the less i can write. dont get me wrong im not saying i ever could write spectacularly well or anything, but i did manage to actually articulate things. it was more than a blinking cursor. perhaps this is just a corollary of the ban on thinking. ya think? but theres all this inside i need to have out and i dont know where to find the means and see cliches. the boogie-woogie pendulum syndrome(TM). the disjointedness of all of it. nothing actually has any chronology, albeit achronological, where is the teleological movement? step out of the narrative river that is life, and then you can narrate it, submerge yourself and you cannot. how many words is this? a hundred? i still havent said a thing. i start to post 5 -6 times a day. and i hit cancel. i type and i type and i type and nothing comes out. a prof i had said that when one is writing one shld start writing and when one has come to the end one will knwo what one wants to say. then start over. its not working. the bell jar? hernando de soto? leather jackets, language exams, messy rooms, i dont care, swing swing swing, crash into this side crash into that, can you hear me? do i exist? bear witness to me!trader joe's opened in nyc, bizarre movie on tv, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - something makes sense, feed the puppies, the gas heart, fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you just fucking fuck off, dosomethingdosomethingdosomethingdosomethingdosomethingdosomethingdosomethingdosomething, cant be bothered cant be bothered cant be bothered, a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose is a 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